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Transcript



This page is a transcript of the Camp Lakebottom episode "Escape From Camp Lakebottom."

ScriptEdit

  • [A picture of Camp Sunny Smiles is shown.]
  • McGee: "Camp Sunny Smiles!" [lowers picture to reveal his face] "Nothing's gonna stop us from having the ultimate summer! Right, sis? [raises hand] "High-five!"
  • [The credits "Written by Shelley Hoffman and Robert Pincombe appear as McGee says this, while Suzi questionably looks at him.]
  • Suzi: "Bad enough I have to spend a summer with my brother, now to talk to you too?"
  • [McGee lowers his hand as the credits "Storyboard by Steve Stefanelli" appear. A horn is heard, and a bus parks near them, creating a cloud of smoke. The smoke clears to reveal Buttsquat looking at them from the bus.]
  • Suzi: (angrily) "I'm warning you McGee," [looms over McGee] "Don't embarrass me in front of the camp owner's son."
  • [She growls at McGee as the credits "Directed by Phil Lafrance and Jamie Leclaire" appear. Suzi waves to Buttsquat]
  • Suzi: "Oh! Hi Buttsquat!"
  • [She goes to board the bus.]
  • Buttsquat: Hey Suzi! Hey McGee. You ready to be the biggest loser at camp?"
  • [He laughs as McGee finishes packing Suzi's luggage onto the bus.]
  • McGee: "Oh, even you can't ruin my summer, Buttsquat."
  • [He walks towards the bus' entrance as Buttsquat reveals a remote in his hand]
  • Buttsquat: "We'll see about that." [presses remote's screen, closing the bus' door before McGee gets on] "All full McGee. You'll have to take the loser express."
  • [He laughs as the bus drives away, revealing a decrepit school bus behind it.]
  • McGee: (angrily) "Buttsquat."
  • [McGee walks to the bus and its door opens, revealing a bus driver who snorts at McGee. McGee nervously smiles and gets on the bus, where two kids (Squirt and Gretchen) look at him from the back of the bus. McGee looks at them in concern, when the bus suddenly starts moving, causing McGee to flail down the bus and fall down. He gets up and raises his hand to Squirt.]
  • McGee: "Hi, I'm-" [Squirt sniffs his hand, causing McGee to move away] "OK..."
  • Gretchen: [sighs] "That's Squirt. I'm Gretchen."
  • McGee: [raises hand to Gretchen] "Hey, I'm McGee. You ready for a great summer at Camp Sunny Smiles?"
  • Gretchen: (sarcastically) "Yeah, can't wait to waste an entire summer on a plastic playground with a bunch of lame-oids. No offense."
  • [McGee leans out of one of the bus' windows with his arms open.]
  • McGee: "Aw, come on! It's gonna be amazing." [Gretchen and Squirt look through the windows near McGee] "The great outdoors at the ultimate resort camp. Check it out!"
  • [Camp Sunny Smiles is shown as both buses travel through a wooded area along a road. At a fork in the road, the Sunny Smiles bus goes right as Buttsquat looks back at the school bus.]
  • Buttsquat: "So long, Bottom Dwellers!"
  • [He presses his remote's screen, causing the arrow pointing to the Camp Sunny Smiles path to point to the other path. Buttsquat then laughs as the bus' window rolls up. The school bus goes down the left path, which is covered in extreme cloud cover and mild fog. Lightning strikes as the bus travels over a wooden bridge, which collapses just after the bus gets across. McGee, Gretchen, and Squirt witness this from the back of the bus.]
  • McGee: "Huh?"
  • [The campers look at each other as the bus continues to drive down the path. The bus stops, and its door opens as McGee, Gretchen, and Squirt pokes their heads out to see a run down camp covered in dense fog.]
  • McGee: (nervously) "Uh, this doesn’t look like Camp Sunny Smiles..."
  • [The campers are kicked off the bus by the bus driver.]
  • Bus driver: "End of the line, kiddies."
  • [He closes the bus door and starts the bus, before a pair of large tentacles grab the bus and pull it over the lake as the bus driver screams. The tentacles pull the bus underwater, and the bus driver swims to the surface in panic before swimming away. McGee, Gretchen, and Squirt watch with shocked faces. Gretchen pulls out a phone.]
  • Gretchen: "I'm gonna call a cab." [presses a button and holds the phone to her ear, and the phone emits negative beeps as she gasps] "Great. We're in a dead zone."
  • [A zombie-like hand suddenly emerges from the ground, scaring the campers. The rest of the zombie (who has a chainsaw for a hand) emerges from the ground, growling as he walks to the campers, who are shaking with fear.]
  • Sawyer: "I've been waiting for you!"
  • [McGee frantically looks around and sees a stick.]
  • McGee: [grabs stick] "Keep waiting, buddy!"
  • [He knocks the head off the zombie, before screaming and running away as the zombie's body reaches for his missing head. The head lands on the ground in a daze as his body mindlessly walks in the background.]
  • Sawyer: "Careful with those branches, campers! You could poke an eye out."
  • [McGee and Gretchen are seen running away from the zombie.]
  • Gretchen: "Where are we going?"
  • McGee: "Anywhere but there!"
  • [The two speed up as Squirt follows them. The three run behind a cabin and run into the back of a large sasquatch. He turns around, revealing his head, upper body, and hands to be covered in a red liquid. He screams in anger, causing the campers to scream at him. The sasquatch screams at the campers while they scream at him. They scream at each other as the campers run away. The sasquatch is then revealed to have been painting, with the red liquid being paint.]
  • Armand: (annoyed) "I hope you kids know that getting this stain out will be murder!"
  • [He yells "murder" so loud that it echoes, scaring the campers even more as they run into the largest building and close the door.]
  • McGee: "What is this place? Camp Dead By Noon?"
  • Gretchen: "Seriously! A zombie with a chainsaw hand and a giant fur ball covered in blood!"
  • Squirt: "I think the fur ball is a sasquatch. They’re actually quite shy and only eat people on special occasions." [faceplants onto floor]
  • Gretchen: (sarcastically) "Well, that’s comforting."
  • [The building suddenly shakes, and a silhouette can be seen through the windows of the doors at the back of the building. The doors are suddenly kicked off their hinges by a short lunch lady, who laughs evilly.]
  • Rosebud: "You need fattening up." [holds up a plate of a creature cut in half with a large knife stuck in the body] "Who's first?"
  • [The campers scream, with McGee and Gretchen running towards the building's windows while Squirt does nothing. McGee grabs Squirt by the arm.]
  • McGee: "Squirt, let's go!"
  • [Gretchen jumps out of a window, while McGee throws Squirt out before jumping after them. They run towards the lake's shore, but stop as three tentacles rise from the lake.]
  • McGee: "Bus crusher is back!"
  • [The tentacles grab Gretchen's arm, Squirt's head, and McGee's legs, and then wrap themselves around the campers as they scream. Gretchen tries to free herself, but the tentacle's grip tightens. She uses karate to fight against four more tentacles, but five of them surround her, worrying her. A tentacle is ticking Squirt's foot, making him laugh. McGee tries to escape, but is repeatedly thrown high about the clouds by the tentacles. As he is thrown around, he sees Camp Sunny Smiles.]
  • McGee: "Sunny Smiles."
  • [He lands into a tentacle's clutches, while Gretchen and Squirt are still trapped.]
  • Gretchen: "Instead of wasting your time sightseeing, how about coming up with a plan?"
  • McGee: "Gimme your phone! I think I can a get a signal from up here."
  • Gretchen: "OK, but make it snappy." [frees arm that's holding phone] "This serpent's Kung-fu is ridiculous!"
  • [She tosses her phone to McGee, who is phoning someone. The scene cuts to Camp Sunny Smiles, where multiple campers (including Suzi) are relaxing with massages and spa treatments. A ringing is heard, and a hand holding a plate with a ringing telephone appears next to Suzi, who answers it.]
  • Suzi: (sing-song) "Hello-o?”
  • McGee: (over phone) "Zombie alert! With a chainsaw hand and a giant sasquatch thing and a million tentacles and an evil lunch bag with a cleaver!"
  • [As he says this, a hand holding a plate of grapes appears near Suzi, and she eats two grapes and shoos the hand away.]
  • Suzi: "Hi there baby bruv! Don't know why you got on the wrong bus," [a hand holding a coconut drink appears] "But you are totally missing out." [drinks out of coconut drink]
  • McGee: (over phone) "But, but-"
  • [Suzi finishes the drink as the hand goes away.]
  • Suzi: "Here at Sunny Smiles, we've got zero-gravity water polo, a 24-hour make your own sundae bar. Naturally, I'm the new camp queen."
  • McGee: (yelling over phone) "Suz!" [Suzi moves the phone away from her ear, before angrily looking at the phone] "You've got to help us!"
  • Suzi: (angrily) "You don't have to yell McGee, I'm not deaf! Except when I don't want to hear what you're saying, so what did you say?"
  • [The scene cuts back to McGee, who is still trapped in a tentacle.]
  • McGee: (angrily) "I said, come and get us before we're all monster lunch meat!"
  • Suzi: "He he, you're so funny. Gotta go!"
  • [She hangs up, and the tentacle squeezes McGee as a whistle is heard. McGee looks down to see the zombie from before.]
  • Sawyer: "Slimey! Put those campers down."
  • [The tentacles release the campers, who fall on top of each other. They look at the zombie in shock.]
  • Sawyer: "I'll take care of them now.
  • [The zombie is joined by the lunch lady and sasquatch join him, and the zombie raises his chainsaw, cutting the lunch lady's dish in half as the sasquatch wipes paint off him.]
  • Sawyer: "We've got big plans for you kids."
  • [He laughs evilly as the camera zooms into his mouth. The scene cuts to a pitch-black room, where a door opens. The campers are thrown inside by the zombie.]
  • Sawyer: "Be back soon!"
  • [He laughs as he closes the door. McGee pushes some furniture against the door and wipes his brow.]
  • McGee: "Phew! We'll be safe in here."
  • Gretchen: "Ya think?"
  • [She turns on a light, revealing the cabin to be infested with various creatures. McGee nervously looks at a mounted moose head that licks its lips. He then looks at a dresser with a haunted TV, a shark in a fishbowl, and a fuzzy animal living in a drawer. McGee starts sweating and shaking in fear.]
  • Squirt: (off-screen) "I call the top bunk!"
  • [He climbs up the tree in the cabin and jumps onto the top bed, where he starts bouncing on it while laughing. McGee and Gretchen watch him, when the door handle suddenly is heard jigging, scaring McGee. Someone is heard banging on the door.]
  • Sawyer: "Hey, the door is stuck! But don't worry, campers. That won't stop us."
  • Armand: "Let us in, you little monsters!"
  • Rosebud: "We vant to have you for lunch!"
  • [McGee and Gretchen stare in horror towards the door, and a running chainsaw suddenly slices through it, scaring them. McGee rushes to the tree.]
  • McGee: "Come on! This is our chance for a head start."
  • [He and Gretchen start climbing the tree as Squirt continues to bounce on his bed. McGee grabs him and pulls him onto the platform at the tree's top as the monsters break into the cabin.]
  • Sawyer: (off-screen) "Hey, where'd they go?"
  • [McGee shushes Gretchen and Squirt as he performs a series of silent signals with his hands while random sound effects accompany them. McGee looks to the ground as Gretchen and Squirt look at each other, confused. McGee jumps off the platform, and a "chomp" is heard, along with McGee's muffled screams. A large Venus flytrap has eaten McGee's head, and Gretchen lands next to him.]
  • Gretchen: (sarcastically) "Smooth move, commando."
  • [Squirt jumps onto the flytrap, does a couple of flips, and lands feet-first on the ground. Gretchen tries to pull McGee's body out of the flytrap, and Squirt helps. The flytrap releases McGee, who is covered in the plant's saliva.]
  • McGee: "OK, let's try that again. Follow me!"
  • [He runs to the dock by the lake, and Gretchen and Squirt follow him as he jumps into the coffin boat.]
  • McGee: "We've got to get to Sunny Smiles fast!" [holds up lockpick] "Good thing I'm an expert at picking locks." [grabs the lock attached to the chain securing the boat, and starts picking it] "Almost there." [continues picking lock and groans in frustration] "Why won't this thing open?"
  • Gretchen: "Stand aside, Houdini."
  • [She pushes McGee to the back of the boat and lifts the chain over the post securing the boat to the dock and drops it into the lake. She then jumps into the boat.]
  • Gretchen: "Come on, Squirt.
  • Squirt: [sniffs] "But I don't wanna go-"
  • [Gretchen grabs him and pulls him onto the boat. He sadly stares at Camp Lakebottom as McGee and Gretchen row towards Camp Sunny Smiles. He wipes a tear from his eye as a shark fin passes by the boat.]
  • Squirt: "Hello little fishies!" [rummages through pocket and pulls out a purple bag with a turkey on it] "Are you hungry for turkey jerky?"
  • [The camera focuses on the bag of turkey jerky. Squirt laughs as a shark fin approaches him, and a large shark jumps and nearly bites Squirt. Squirt hides in the boat and looks at the shark, before looking behind the boat. The zombie, sasquatch, and lunch lady are in their own boat, powered by the zombie's propeller, heading straight for the campers.]
  • Sawyer: "Hey! Stop!"
  • Armand: "Come back!"
  • Squirt: "They're following us." [smiles and waves] "Hi guys!"
  • [The sasquatch waves back as McGee and Gretchen discover they're being followed.]
  • McGee: "Let's go! Come on," [he and Gretchen start rowing faster] "Go go go go go go go!"
  • Armand: "Slimey!" [Slimey appears next to the boat] "Slow them down."
  • [Slimey "nods", and he lifts the campers' boat and throws them towards the monsters, who are closing in on them.]
  • McGee: "Gretchen! Throw that turkey jerky into their boat."
  • [Gretchen turns around and smiles. She grabs the turkey jerky and throws it towards the monsters. It hits the sasquatch's face, and slides into his hands.]
  • Armand: "Turkey jerky." [smiles] "Don't mind if I do."
  • [He raises the bag to his mouth, and the shark from before jumps in front of him and lands on him. The boat starts shaking and jerking up and down as the monsters panic. The sasquatch and shark jump up and land back onto the boat, sinking it.]
  • Squirt: "Fishy sure liked the jerky."
  • [He giggles as the campers reach Camp Sunny Smiles' shore, running the boat aground and flinging McGee out of the boat.]
  • McGee: [jumps to feet] "We made it! See guys? I totally save us."
  • Gretchen: [points behind McGee in concern] "I'm not so sure, McGee."
  • Male camper: "It looks like we have some guests from the camp across the lake."
  • [As the camper says this, McGee turns around to see Buttsquat, Suzi, and multiple other Sunny Smiles campers (one holding a watermelon slice) looking at him and his friends.]
  • Female camper: "Care to join us for Camp Sunny Smiles' opening day watermelon seed spitting contest?"
  • Buttsquat: "Yeah Bottom Dwellers." [retrieves remote] "You can even be our new targets!" [laughs] "Oh yeah."
  • [He presses his remote's screen, causing a large cage to capture the Bottom Dwellers, much to their shock.]
  • Suzi: "Sorry baby bruv bruv, but I'm camp queen now. Nasty rival camp pranks are part of the gig."
  • Gretchen: (angrily) "She's your sister?"
  • [Flashback to Gretchen at a beauty pageant, wearing a tiara and wielding a bouquet of flowers while smiling smugly.]
  • Announcer: "Our new Miss Always Sunny is... Suzi!"
  • [Gretchen looks in shock as Suzi is shown wearing a dress, a large tiara while wielding a large bouquet of flowers. Suzi starts waving to the audience.]
  • Announcer: "Would someone please remove the runner-up from the stage?"
  • [Gretchen glumly looks at the scene, before a hook pulls Gretchen off stage. Flashback ended.]
  • Gretchen: (angrily) "I'd rather spend my summer in a snake pit than be at the same camp as Suzi."
  • McGee: [realisation] "You're right, Gretch. Living in Sunny Smiles is a fate worse than monster mutilation."
  • Buttsquat: "Sunny Smilers, get ready to spit!"
  • [As he says this, Buttsqaut and some Sunny Smile campers (who are holding watermelon slices) are lined up outside the cage. The watermelon holding campers cheer.]
  • Buttsquat: "Ready?" [campers take a bite of watermelon] "Aim." [McGee, Gretchen, and Squirt hug each other in fear.] "And fi-" [chainsaw is heard] "Huh?"
  • [He turns to the shore, and the zombie, sasquatch, and lunch lady (covered in seaweed) are approaching the campers. Suzi screams as she and the other campers (sans Buttsquat) run away. The zombie looms over Buttsquat, growling as Buttsquat quivers in fear.]
  • Sawyer: "Stop messing with our campers!" [roars, then smiles] "They're the only ones we got."
  • [He whistles, and Slimey grabs the cage trapping the Bottom Dwellers and places it over Buttsquat, trapping him. Buttsquat looks in shock before fainting. The zombie groans as he approaches the Bottom Dwellers, who hug each other in fear, before the zombie coughs.]
  • Sawyer: "You campers scared the life outta me."
  • McGee: "Huh?"
  • Gretchen: "But... you're a zombie."
  • Sawyer: "Sure, I'm a zombie, but I still got a heart." [reaches into his chest and pulls out his heart] "See?"
  • [The heart deflates, and the zombie swallows it, making it go back into place. The lunch lady and sasquatch walk next to him.]
  • Rosebud: "We've waited so long for actual campers we got carried away."
  • Sawyer: "We'll understand if you" [tears up] "Don't want to stay."
  • Armand: "But no one should have to live with the Sunny Smilers." [shivers] "Those kids give me the creeps."
  • McGee: "Don't worry guys! From now on, we're Bottom Dwellers through and through."
  • [Gretchen and Squirt nod in agreement. The zombie gasps, and McGee raises his hand for a handshake. The zombie gives McGee a handshake, but McGee accidentally breaks off his hand, shocking him. He smiles nervously. The scene cuts to a campfire, where a sausage, two marshmallows and a brain are being roasted over it. McGee, Gretchen, and Squirt are shown resting near the campfire with the monsters in Camp Lakebottom at night.]
  • McGee: "Ah. See guys? Camp Lakebottom is the place to be."
  • Gretchen: "It'll do."
  • Armand: "This calls for a rousing rendition of the Camp Lakebottom song!" [grabs harp] "Ready, Rosebud?"
  • [The lunch lady slides next to him.]
  • Rosebud: "Ready!"
  • Armand: "Sawyer?"
  • [The zombie slides next to him.]
  • Sawyer: "Ready Armand!"
  • [Armand plucks one of the harp's strings, and he, Rosebud, and Sawyer start screaming at the top for their lungs (with Rosebud also laughing maniacally). Gretchen and Squirt cover their ears, while McGee does nothing.]
  • McGee: "Music to my ears."
  • [A photo of the scene is taken, and is seen posted on a bulletin board, alongside various other things.]
  • McGee: (voice-over) "Dear Mom, this is gonna be the most awesome summer ever! Camp Lakebottom's... a scream."